My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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