5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
