I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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