If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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