The maid of honor just puked.
just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
