I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
