So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
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