Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
