who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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