One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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