Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
