I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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