My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Randomize
