....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
