FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
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