i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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