my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
