Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Randomize
