it wasn't lemon gatorade
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
