Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
