I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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