can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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