I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
where does the pee come out of this thing
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
