Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
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Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
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in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
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