Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
