I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Randomize
