4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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