Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Randomize
