yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Randomize
