Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
