How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
