Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Randomize
