They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
wanna go halves on a baby?
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
