Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
