I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Randomize
