And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
