This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
