He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
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