I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
sex in a hospital.. check
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
