I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
