Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
