I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize