my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Randomize
