I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
