You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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