I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I just found a bag of teeth...
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
