Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
