WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
