HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
