it hurts more in the daytime
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
