I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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