I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
