Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
