I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Randomize
