you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
