so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Is it because I queefed?
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
