he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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