It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
