can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
