Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
