ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
