I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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