I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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