I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
