I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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