Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
