I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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