how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I can't trust your balls anymore.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
