Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
