My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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