I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I am available for nakedness
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
