i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
