I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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