wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
