Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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