Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize
