are you still at the devil's house?
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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