Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
