Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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