Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
