I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
