somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
We had sex on a dog bed..
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
