Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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